Too Positive? Let’s Not Judge

I have found this blog, Autism Daddy. This guy has a totally different style than me, but I really enjoy his stuff. He’s honest. Brutally honest. And kind of funny. He got some flack for his posts, and wrote a response to it here. It was in this post that something struck a nerve with me personally.

Am I too positive? Could this not be a good thing?

Recently I acknowledged, out loud, that I am judgmental. My worst quality. I consistently work to change it. I will find myself assuming stuff…I’m usually wrong! I really didn’t want to admit it out loud. I tried to explain and justify it, but ultimately just admitted I suck and I need to do better. And saying it out loud did help. I’m not perfect. It’s OK. And I’m working on it. Autism Daddy did say something about saying it out loud on that post, so I get his view on that. So see, I’m not perfectly positive all the time. It’s a process.

So anyway, reading Autism Daddy’s blog made me wonder if I was blowing smoke that wasn’t true. Because that isn’t helpful, ya know? So I really had to think about it. I’m not trying to paint a pretty picture. And it isn’t always easy. Positive outlooks on life’s challenges are not a gut response, but something decided.

I feel.

…I just don’t feel OK until I can let my brain loop from negative to positive.

My mom was, and is, such an influence in my life in this way. No crying. Keep your head up. Someone has it worse than you. Give thanks to God…no matter what. This was unspoken but learned throughout my life. And although it may sound harsh to some, to have a mom that doesn’t allow you to cry and have a pity party, she made me strong. She wanted me to be happy.

So when I read his posts, for a minute I thought, “am I TOO positive?” Do I give people the wrong idea about autism? What IS the right idea then? …Ok well I guess, for me, it’s this.

…I don’t love autism, I love my son.
…I don’t love autism, but I love the friends I have made because of it.
…I don’t love autism, but I see the beauty in his unique way of thinking.
…I don’t love autism, but I love how my family and friends have stood by us, and bonds have strengthened because of it.

…I don’t love autism, but I can’t imagine Simon any other way now. So I have decided to love autism, I guess. Because I love him. And I can’t seem to seperate it.

That being said, I don’t want to judge someone who needs to say they hate autism. Because the truth is, some people’s lives are turned upside down and inside out because of autism. And they still love their kids. I guess it goes back to assuming and judging. We just don’t know how hard it is for some. We can’t compare because autism isn’t cookie cutter. We all handle it the way that we need to. And we all need to just be OK with that. We need to stop judging, and it starts with me.

Autism changed my path, but not who I am. I am someone who is far from perfect. I keep working at the things that I dislike about myself, but finding a positive attitude about life’s challenges is one thing I think I am ok with. But one thing I will continue to do, is stay balanced in the reality of the beautiful potential of these kids, and the heartbreaking struggle as well. They deserve to be seen through it all…in my opinion. For what it worth.

(Follow me on Twitter if you’d like to find some of my favorite autism blogs. Hate it or love it, you’ll be amazed by the human spirit.)

Share this: Share on FacebookShare on Google+Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Reddit
Suzy Higley

Suzy Higley

Wife to my childhood sweetheart. Stay-at-home mom of 3 awesome boys, ages 14, 12, and 5. My youngest is non-verbal and has Autism. Currently starting a community with other Autism Moms called Better Together. More social learning opportunities for our kids on the spectrum are needed...and because I couldn't find them, I'm creating them. I also draw and paint on both paper and walls...and furniture. And speaking of furniture, I have a chronic furniture rearranging condition that I'm seeking help for. Not really...it's my favorite.

Liked this post? Follow this blog to get more. 

  • Kriste Colley

    So, how can I look at a little kiddo with autism and say that he is one of the luckiest kids in the world? Because it’s true! Simon has YOU as parents and that puts him so far AHEAD of most kids on this planet. No one part of a person tells their entire story. I think the judgmental part is something that we all struggle with, whether we express it or not, whether it’s directed toward others or toward ourselves and our families. Love your writing!

  • Lou Galindo

    I think your approach works for you and the message that you want to share. Perhaps a person’s attitude stems from their own personality and the level of functionality that they deal with from their loved ones (I have no idea if I’m even stating that correctly or in a way that makes sense, but I feel like you will understand what I am trying to say)? I appreciate your positive attitude because it makes it easier for someone like me to WANT to learn about autism and all the aspects of it, whereas someone who is negative or only talks about the hardships of parenting an autistic child will have the opposite effect, turning others off to understanding it. I like that you put out an air of “this is the truth I’ve been dealt and this is what I can do to make my child comfortable and happy in this world.” I’ve told you before that I think Simon picked the exact perfect parents for himself, and I think you guys are doing an amazing job nurturing and understanding him. I think, if there is any disservice at all in your positive attitude, it is to yourself as you make it seem too easy, like “No worries; I got this.” =)

  • Becca Lingley

    My favorite quote is “a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort” (Herm Albright). I love it! I think you have to stay positive, otherwise life can get overwhelming.

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    :)…i agree.

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    what? no :), i get you! well I’m glad you said that. that is what i hope for in the end. that people are less freaked out, or turned off, so they can see the real life going on with us and see its not so un-normal.

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    aw shucks. thanks! well sometimes i wonder. is he really severe? no, he sure doesn’t seem it…maybe its because he is so happy. maybe because he feels understood most of the time. i don’t know. but clinically they want me to think he’s difficult. but i just don’t feel that way. he makes so much sense to me. 🙂 Not sure if that is what makes us good parents for him, but i think it helps. 🙂 ….and btw, wine night rants are not us being judgmental right? those don’t count. haha.

  • Kriste Colley

    NOTHING that we say on wine night counts!!

  • Sara Quinn

    “…I don’t love autism, but I can’t imagine Simon any other way now. So I have decided to love autism, I guess. Because I love him. And I can’t seem to separate it.” This is so beautifully said!

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thank you Sara :). I’m glad everyone overlooked my terrible typos and grammar, for content! I wrote it rather quickly.