Stupid Cancer

This Valentines day I got a surprise I didn’t expect.

So it turns out it wasn’t being allergic to my cats that was making my eye swollen. Nope…it’s cancer. Stupid cancer.

How can I have cancer? 
Me?
Why not me? 

It happens to so many people. Another club I belong to now I guess. I admit, I couldn’t help the big crocodile tears from running down my face as I drove home thinking of my boys. My husband. The huge impact this will cause on my little family, even if everything turns out for the best. 

Who has time for this?

It’s only been a few days. I’ve barely started to absorb the word as pertaining to me personally. And actually…I’m still not sure I believe it. I have no definitive answers yet. I’m literally at the beginning of another unknown road. Tomorrow I will see the first of many doctor appointments. I guess I should rejoice that my husband has a job and we are insured. So some good news there, see?! We will need to see if it’s in any other places before treatment plans are made. A second opinion might be good. Lots to do…

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to feel. I’m mostly fine but little moments of doubt creep in…And while I’m now counting every eyelash, and hugging every ounce of love into my kids and husband, I do all this while still trying to keep it casual. Mom life as usual. Life as a family must remain normal, because normal is what I want more than anything now. Even doing dishes!

So now I just need to not worry and get it done! And really why worry? Because you know, a meteor could fall out of sky and land right on me at any moment anyway. Or something else catastrophic and unforeseen. Because things happen. This is what I tell myself when the ‘what ifs’ take control. No one is promised a certain amount of time. Still, Jesus gets an earful from me every night.

So this is just another chapter in my life. My fabulous life that has been so full of happiness that I couldn’t rightly complain about anything. Not even cancer. Even if it IS stupid! :/ 

So that is all. And I guess I found something else to write about besides autism. 

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Suzy Higley

Suzy Higley

Wife to my childhood sweetheart. Stay-at-home mom of 3 awesome boys, ages 14, 12, and 5. My youngest is non-verbal and has Autism. Currently starting a community with other Autism Moms called Better Together. More social learning opportunities for our kids on the spectrum are needed...and because I couldn't find them, I'm creating them. I also draw and paint on both paper and walls...and furniture. And speaking of furniture, I have a chronic furniture rearranging condition that I'm seeking help for. Not really...it's my favorite.

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  • Becca Lingley

    You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, Suzy. Stay strong.

  • Kriste Colley

    I want to write that you are not alone and to challenge yourself to ask for help when you need it. Those things sound dumb. I also want to swear at cancer because I’m beyond tired of it, but I suppose that’s not helpful. I want to tell you that it will be a quick and easy fix and that you’ll have it knocked out in no time, but that sounds diminishing.
    So, I’ll say that I love you. I’ll say that you enrich my life in ways that I’ve never told you about. I’ll be thinking of you constantly.

  • Babyfro

    Thinking of you Suzy. Here’s to getting the answers and treatment you need and kicking cancer’s butt. It’s another path you have to walk and you’re not alone.

    Unfortunately many of us know just what you’re going through, if not personally because of close family members and friends. I’ve almost written a similar post a few times as both my father and father in law fight their battles. Cancer truly sucks.

  • Matt McGee

    Oh no, Suzy. 🙁 We’ll be praying for you and John and the kids. And your doctors and everyone else that will be involved in helping you get through this. If we can help with ANYTHING, please let us know.

  • Lou Galindo

    We’re thinking of you and wishing for everything to turn out for the best. Whatever you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m serious! Don’t you make me have to come over there! Unless you need me to. Then I will be there in a heartbeat. 😉 <3<3<3<3<3

  • Michael Speegle

    I’m praying for you as hard as I can, lady.

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thank you! i appreciate it 🙂

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thank you! lol…I will 🙂

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thanks so much. 🙂

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    thanks, I know… too many people. 🙁 Its just too normal, only it’s not. i lost my Dad to cancer almost 5 years ago. i remember it well.

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thank you! i love you too crazy lady! that was very sweet….. i will be ok. Girls night will happen again! …i just might be a little off balance before the wine. lol…

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thank you! i appreciate all the support!!!!

  • Sara Quinn

    Hey Suzy, I know we’re mostly Twitter friends, but I hope that you know I’m here for you if you ever need a good meal or a shoulder to cry on.

  • Suzy Garza Higley

    Thank you Sara! That’s very sweet 🙂 …if my treatment ever gets started, I may start believing I actually have cancer. :/… It’s been a slow process because apparently it’s not super aggressive, it’s rare, and in a delicate area, so proceeding with caution. which I hope means it’s not going to be so bad. Lol… It’s not life threatening as it is right now, so I’m happy. So I’m doing ok :)! Thank you.