This Valentines day I got a surprise I didn’t expect.
So it turns out it wasn’t being allergic to my cats that was making my eye swollen. Nope…it’s cancer. Stupid cancer.
How can I have cancer?
Why not me?
It happens to so many people. Another club I belong to now I guess. I admit, I couldn’t help the big crocodile tears from running down my face as I drove home thinking of my boys. My husband. The huge impact this will cause on my little family, even if everything turns out for the best.
Who has time for this?
It’s only been a few days. I’ve barely started to absorb the word as pertaining to me personally. And actually…I’m still not sure I believe it. I have no definitive answers yet. I’m literally at the beginning of another unknown road. Tomorrow I will see the first of many doctor appointments. I guess I should rejoice that my husband has a job and we are insured. So some good news there, see?! We will need to see if it’s in any other places before treatment plans are made. A second opinion might be good. Lots to do…
I’m not sure what I’m supposed to feel. I’m mostly fine but little moments of doubt creep in…And while I’m now counting every eyelash, and hugging every ounce of love into my kids and husband, I do all this while still trying to keep it casual. Mom life as usual. Life as a family must remain normal, because normal is what I want more than anything now. Even doing dishes!
So now I just need to not worry and get it done! And really why worry? Because you know, a meteor could fall out of sky and land right on me at any moment anyway. Or something else catastrophic and unforeseen. Because things happen. This is what I tell myself when the ‘what ifs’ take control. No one is promised a certain amount of time. Still, Jesus gets an earful from me every night.
So this is just another chapter in my life. My fabulous life that has been so full of happiness that I couldn’t rightly complain about anything. Not even cancer. Even if it IS stupid! :/
So that is all. And I guess I found something else to write about besides autism.
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