In a few days, I will marry my husband.
What does that mean?
Let me give you some background.
About a year ago, Brendan and I talked it over and decided that marriage wasn’t for us. We had both been married before, and our former spouses were… not very nice people, and had left us a bit gun-shy.
Over time, however, one thing became abundantly clear: we were making choices about our current relationship based on pain that had been caused by other people. Brendan came to that conclusion before I did, to be honest, but as soon as I took a hard look at my stance, I was forced to agree with him— it would be ludicrous to let bad experiences in my past dictate what I do now.
Despite these realizations, we were not necessarily wanting pomp and circumstance, so we hired someone to come to our house and do the deed right in the kitchen. We said, “Make it fast,” and she did. There was no ceremony or anything; after all, being married didn’t mean our relationship was any different than it had been. For us it was just a reaffirmation of our commitment to each other (and also a way to enjoy some of the legal benefits that go along with marriage).
Then something happened.
I began to take an interest in my family and community. It didn’t happen all at once. I started visiting my parents more often, and one day I found myself telling my mom that Brendan and I had gotten married. I started going to things… things like the Collaborative, Freethinkers meetings, and other social stuff. I started seeing the importance of letting people into my life. Whereas I had previously seen such entanglements as “unsafe”, I now saw evidence that the relationships I was forming were a source of strength. It might sound cheesy, but that’s how it happened.
My perspective had shifted. I saw the value in publicly speaking our vows and sharing our commitment with friends and family. After talking it over with Brendan, I found that he did, too.
So, there it is. I’m marrying my husband on Saturday, and it feels pretty awesome.
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