This cursor just sits and flashes at me. Teasing me, knowing that I have nothing and everything to give it.
“Come on, just write already. Quit thinking so much and let your fingers fly,” the cursor teases me.
“If only it were so easy,” I tell it. “I just don’t know what write about, I can’t pick just one thing.”
I realize that my life has been so rich with events, hopes, and ideas, lately that I can’t seem to give any one thing enough of myself to do it justice on paper, let alone in the real world. I’ve spread myself thin and I can see the evidence right in front of me, blinking slowly as it waits for sustenance.
The most time consuming thing I have going is I suppose, the one thing I can truly give some weight here. I’ve been looking in the mirror a lot the last couple of months. Some days its a slap in the face that leaves me reeling with confusion and frustration. Most days, and yes even on those rough days I still get the deepest, most heart warming sense of awe as every day I look into the mirror there is a new revelation.
I’m not looking into any ordinary mirror here, this one is magic and its reflection is truer than any mirror you can buy in a store. I’ll describe it to you, it stands about 45 inches tall, blond fragile frame and steely blue glass that reflects the very soul. Nothing gets by it, I can’t hide any flaws and it sees every good and bad part of me.
This mirror is my son. He’s turning 7 this month, so hard to wrap my brain around that one but its true. Right now and for the past few months he’s been struggling, struggling to figure himself and his little world out. This struggle unfortunately is leading to some bad choices, choices that are difficult as a parent to watch your child make. Even more frustrating because I too made those choices at his age and I now know all too well what my parents felt as they dealt with it. The hard part is knowing that I made some of the same decisions he’s making now and I’m no better equipped to help him through it than if I hadn’t.
It’s a mirror in the truest sense, I really am just looking at a reflection of myself, it won’t give me advice, it frustrates me on days when I can’t stand to look into as I feel nothing but dismay and on good days, on great days, I sometimes just want to lose myself in it.
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