When love is hard.

The older I get, the more I feel lied to in many ways.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no starry eyed romantic. I always believed rom-coms were utter crap (and still do, for the most part), and I truly knew from a young age in my core that there could be no such thing as “The One.” And I don’t even know anything about statistics.

My hopes for a life filled with love, were actually more akin to a paralyzing dread of having to interact with people in general.

That being said (long story short), I have come to embrace a path in life which has and is leading me to love people more. And when you talk about loving people more, or put the label “love” on the legitimate and undeniable right of every person to be treated with kindness, consideration, and above all else – respect, you give a lot of people the warm fuzzies.

And the warm fuzzies are great, but the actual meat of what I’m getting at, is not that we all sit in a circle and sing “Kumbayah” and say only nice things to each other.

The thing that I’m talking about when I say love, looks a lot more like establishing trust and granting the people around you acceptance.

Those things are key, so that when the warm fuzzies go away, I can *trust* that if I tell you, “Look, this action that you did, this is not the way you show love to me. No, it actually makes me feel this other way,” and know that it will pave the way to a better understanding and dialogue because we both *accept* each other’s unequivocal value.

People don’t tell you earlier on that love isn’t just something that happens in your heart, and bam–you’re a new and different version of Oprah.

No, love is a choice.

It’s an every day choice.

And it doesn’t always look like high fiving a million angels and smearing awesome sauce all over town.

Sometimes it looks like giving critical feedback, or being a “hard ass,” or making other people feel uncomfortable by addressing bad behaviors or weird dynamics.

It’s a scary thing to break from the comfort of going with the flow, to the starkness of the reality of our emotions and the ways we treat each other. I’ve failed at this a lot, and bottled it up – believing it to be easier to live with than confronting the issue. I’ve told myself I was wrong, and let the disappointment of denying that respect to myself eat away at me.

But the thing I’ve found is if love is your motivation, then you absolutely, *absolutely* have to cling to the hope that through those hard situations, some inkling of a bit more understanding or just a teensy bit more compassion or just the tiniest smidge of thoughtfulness will grow from those hard love choices.

Dude, if I can do it, you can do it.

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Jenn Turner

Jenn Turner

Jenn Turner was born under a tarp.She's lived on the internet ever since, and only recently learned how to make real friends. During the day she schemes at &yet with her native people and at night she hangs with her number one favorite person ever. Currently she's studying emotions, relationships and aspires to one day let go. Also, TriConf.

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  • Crossdiver

    Brilliant Jenn… your life title should be “‘The Point’ Sniper”

  • Jenn Turner

    Whoa! I don’t even! But thanks 🙂